Update

I know, it has been a while. Sorry Jen (I can't even link to her blog post it was that long ago - and one of my stalkers stole her identity so I will refrain from linking to her here anyway)

There have, and will be, some changes to 2010.

This includes (and is not limited to):

1. Changes at work - which are already underway. I requested to be moved onto a different project, and am getting the hang of a new part of the world, with new challenges, new personalities, and new frustrations. After all, I am still working in Government!
2. Changes on the bike - I will be faster in 2010. And a LOT stronger. Thanks to Jim for putting up with me and pushing me. Slowly, slowly, but we are heading in the right direction.
3. Changes in my weight - it IS coming off, but man it is taking its sweet time doing it!
4. Changes round the house - we will see more short-lengthed labrador hair - in the courtyard, in the entrance way, in the car, on clothes - you name it. I don't know how he produces it so quickly, but he can sure lose a shitload of it! And for an outside dog, don't ask me how so much ends up inside!
5. Changes in me - although I did manage to increase my haircut frequency in 2009 by 50%, I am not sure I can hold that rate of cuttage for 2010. I am now aiming for my standard two haircuts for the year.
6. Changes in my cycling get-up. In December 2009 Team Type 1 withdrew the contract offer for me for 2010, leaving me without a team for this year and ending a three-year relationship rather upbruptly. They did say it was a financial decision, so I guess that after the offer was accepted they re-did the sums and were forced to reneg on the whole thing. I haven't been able to talk much about this, but in the end they have given me a new lease on life because of it, and I sincerely thank them for giving me that. I wish them all the best in 2010.

Ultimately though, 2010 remains my year for recovery.

I have been working pretty hard on this - and although the injuries seem so simple, it turned out to be a far more complicated beast on many fronts.

And I learned that it was not just about the physical recovery, but the mental one as well.

Two things I think I can confirm: I have no more frozen shoulder, and I am no longer clinically depressed from the accident. This does narrow down the list of things to recover from somewhat.

On top of this I also had to deal with managing diabetes. Which yeah, I have done for some time. No big deal. It wasn't until I was being interviewed recently when the interviewee stopped and said, 'you do all this AND you have to manage your diabetes as well? Wow!'

It is a big deal. It is always a big deal. I forget. But we get so used to it that we fail to recognise just how significant a task this is. I am always a big fan of telling it like it is, but I rarely say it is a big deal. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it doesn't suck so much. Others with type one diabetes can relate to that so much better.

I recall being part of a 'video shoot' where a bunch of type ones sat around a cozy fireplace and talked about the challenges of life with type one diabetes. 'You know, all the stuff that sucks' said the producers. I agreed to the project. I thought it would be refreshingly honest and would give the audience some reassurance that their moments of suckiness are also shared by others.

Not so.

Peer pressure controlled the audience to only shed light on the 'bad times of the past' with the conclusion that today, each participant's life was in perfect control. I sat with enthusiasm to begin with, but this changed quickly when I realised just how off the 'project brief' the group was headed. No one wanted to say that life with diabetes sucked. No one wanted to say that they were having a hard time of it.

The pressure cooker in me reached a point where I just had to say something. I suggested to my peers that surely I am not the only one where sometimes I have days where I do not want to test AT ALL. Doesn't anyone else ever feel that way?

Silence.

One girl then piped up. I sighed and sent out massive silent 'thank you' vibes to this girl. She began well, but then lost confidence as she looked around the room and had to change her story mid-sentence. Oh yes, she has felt that way before, but she was 16 at the time. She doesn't feel that way now because she knows how important it is to test frequently.

I knew then that my ability to contribute to this 'pow-wow' was over. If no one was in the real world, then I couldn't be in their make believe one either.

The producers came away with a swag of material deemed fit to inspire a new audience. In their opinion anyway.

Yet recently, the diabetes world has been so fortunate to have the straight shooting, top-arse athlete of Kris Freeman grace us with his presence at the Winter Olympics, while representing USA in cross country skiing. He had a shit Olympics. It was awful. But in the lead up to, during, and the aftermath, he has always remained direct, honest and so upfront about his diabetes management. He tells it when he nails it, and more importantly, he tells it when it all goes wrong. And oh, how we love to hear someone say that! I've been collecting his articles on a page on HypoActive. I hope everyone has enjoyed them as much as I have.

Two recent deaths in the diabetes world has really left me reeling. Both were sudden and unexpected. Both left gaping holes in wonderful families. My heart goes out to their families and friends. Although I had met neither in person, they will always be part of my d-family.

Both remind me that what I have is so damn lucky. I am so so lucky to have survived two seizures in my sleep this year. I am so so lucky to continue to be around sooking and complaining about my sore back and shoulder. I am lucky to be staying up each night punching out stuff for HypoActive and getting us through our busiest period of the year. And I am so lucky to be able to ride my bike.

As I finish typing this I have noticed my glucose levels have finally dropped from 17.8 (320) and are now sitting around 12.9 (232). Not so perfect, aye? But there is no point beating myself up about it. Got a new day tomorrow, and here's hoping I will want to test through it and be motivated enough to try again to keep it in range.

I know one thing I won't be doing: getting a haircut.