Setbacks and an unset back.

Last week was a bit of a big news week. I spent most of it in tears and all annoyed and deciding that all my rehab exercises and crap can get stuffed. It was a shitty week.

The main reasons for this were two big bits of information I received.

The first related to the status of my shoulder. I was due for my six weeks post-op x ray scan and check up with my shoulder surgeon. I had the x rays about 50mins before my appointment. As I was waiting to get set up for my third and final 'shot', I noticed the x ray dude was loading the images up onto his computer. This was the first one I could see:

I knew straight away that the image wasn't right. The clavicle was not sitting in the correct place. The image looked remarkably similar to the x rays I have from the day I crashed, back on May 30. This is what the shoulder look like back then:

I must admit that scanning x ray images into the computer can be tricky, but this was the best I could come up with. But you can see the only main difference is the addition of two screws in the former picture.

Anyway, I went for the benefit-of-the-doubt option and went up to see the surgeon for review. After all, who am I to interpret x rays? The surgeon was full of praise for the shoulder, and kept commenting on the lack of a bump. What? I could feel a bump. I have felt a bump for weeks. But the positive comments kept coming, so I came to assume that what I had seen earlier was wrong by me. We continued on, and almost as a passing afterthought, the surgeon checked the x rays.

There was shock, there was doubt, there were questions as to the correctness of the x rays. There was also an awful sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Fark.

What happens next? What do we do when this happens? Well, we don't know. It is not that common. Come back in a month and we'll review. Keep up the rehab though.

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The next day I was scheduled for my MRI. My back and neck have been hurting for weeks. Well, since the crash! But fractures are supposed to heal within 6-8 weeks, and I was still having trouble. I wanted to find out what was going on. My physio also wanted to know what was going on, as every time he touched my back it would hurt for days.

After the shoulder news, I was really positive about the MRI. And my shoulder was hurting more than anything else last week, so I had come to believe I was just being a sook about the back and neck. What could be worse than the shoulder news anyway?

I got the results and I was part right: I was being a sook about my neck. No real issue there. All soft tissue injuries, possibly worsening from a lack of movement following the crash.
The thoracic spine was a different story.

The MRI concluded I had four, not three, spinous process fractures with persistent marrow oedema (T2, T3, T4 and T5). I had to look 'marrow oedema' up, and it relates to excessive interstitial fluid in the bone area (should I put the Navigator on here?).

It also showed I had a slight compression of the vertebrae between T6/7. A few other things were noted using big words. I looked up some of them, but they seemed okay.

I am yet to get a *qualified* interpretation of this, so in case you are better than me, here is the big MRI image that was impossible to scan in. Instead, I stuck it up on the window with A4 sheets of paper behind it to filter in the light but not images of the ferns in the back yard. I then took a photo of it, where you can still see Ewin's kit in the reflection.

The fudgy area of the spine scan is messy I assume because of the marrow oedema.

So, last week was a no-show with regard to rehab. It was a shitty, depressing week and I had lots of tears. I was also in a lot of shock concerning the MRI results. I just thought my back would be much better than the shoulder.

We did have one better piece of news: we got our car back after seven+ weeks.

I don't know what will happen next. Trying to get more appointments and seek more advice.

I spent a bit of time talking to folk in the US this past week. In many ways, the news helped in making the decision not to rush a return for this year. The pressure is off. This is good, as I can concentrate on healing as best I can without compromising anything (else). But at the same time, it doesn't relieve the desire: I want to race again.

The fire to race has been burning for a while, albeit slowly in the background, on simmer. It was protected from firing up further thanks to a lot of fear about doing more damage, crashing again, and the most awful concept of all: not being competitive. Now, I feel it is ramping up again thanks to all this stoking I have received. It is overpowering any fears I have. I want some answers on the way forward, and I want to get out there.